Not that the status of “happily unmarried” was bad enough that people around rub it in by asking “you not married yet!?”; like a rude alarm clock reminding you of the time ticking and in my case racing at the speed of UPS (unmarried per second)!
Marriage is serious business but who says one can’t fun; so without further a due here is what would happen if we lived in the perfect world:
1. The you are still single solution – In a perfect world we would have supermarkets with prospects lined up into categories of ethnic, western, casual, home, with kids section. There would also be segregation by net worth and VIP lounges and the best part is that no 2 malls would have the same “product”!
So singles enjoy window shopping. For those who have found their knot, the wedding shopping section is on the 10th floor, right past the jyotish counter.
2. Online matrimonial mela – For the lazier variety we always have the online matrimonial mela, where the choices are in hundreds of thousands and fancy tools to filter out the unwanted.
That’s not all, you will have a bunch of selfies to go through for you to reconstruct what their face actually looks like and luckier is the person who get profiles where half the face is covered with sunglasses. This is an art my friends and keeps the mind sharp, please don’t take it lightly.
In addition to the above we have “guess what next”, for profiles who have mentioned a handful of lines about themselves. If you find “I want to get married, rest will update later” you must send out an invitation just to meet the greatest person on earth who gave obvious a whole new level.
3. Booze to I do’s – There would be singles bars that would give shots on the house as a courage booster to people petrified of marriage. Once the level of alcohol is at the “who am I” mark your partner is hammered enough to marry anything. Some of my favourite models in this category are “a face only a mother can love” and “let’s do this”
4. Movie magic – cinemas would come out with a host of interesting memberships for parents to take for their children. Now this mode is for the “modern” parents because they are liberal enough to send their children to watch a movie in the dark with a preselected match by the cinema. For the traditional variety of parents there is the VIP (Very intruding Parent) screen that’s fit with recliners and gives a tag pass for the parents to accompany.
Compatibility would be based on the movie reviews and number of starts each person has given for the movie. Sometimes the process takes a couple of movies for two individuals to actually become a couple.
5. Hunting – crude but effective! We will loan you Cupid for a few hundreds an hour who will do your dirty work for you. All the single needs to do is give Cupid a description of what they want and with his deadly aim you are an arrow away from finding ture love and falling into holy matrimonial.
Statutory warming: Goods once shot cannot be returned and we are not responsible for your inner most desires being mythical. Itna paisa mein itna hich milanga. (Non refundable)
6. Time machine – For those who don’t want to wast time and money on the above, the surest way is to use our time machine and see who your future wife will be. The plus point is that you can either backtrack and find your partner or become a monk to avoid disaster; either way a win win for all.
Well enough said and hope this note gave you a few laughs if nothing else.
Singles happy hunting and for all my married friends, laugh! you guys need it more because it’s game over for you! 😉